A Hero

This picture makes me want to tell you about one of my FAVORITE PEOPLE in the whole world: My babysitter, Rina. 

I went back to work when Faye was 5 weeks old. I was tired, stressed, depressed and it was HARD. The one solace, consolation, and peace to my mind was that Faye was being taken care of by THE BEST person EVER. I would drop Faye off every morning and not even worry for a SINGLE SECOND about her. I truly believe that was a tender mercy and finding Rina was a HUGE ANSWER to a prayer. I don't know what we would have done without her!!

Rina is my hero. She is productive, kind, generous, thrifty and loving. Faye is her third little blonde baby. She LOVES HER. She has been her "other mother" her WHOLE LIFE. She sneaks her treats, puts her in time out when she is naughty, and hugs and kisses til Faye just giggles out of control. She is from the Philippines and has taught my baby to eat rice with reckless abandon (even for breakfast!) and I'm 100% positive if Faye talked there would be English mixed with Visayan! She has fed me (and Brad) numerous meals, taken time to teach me to cook meals, and babysat Faye for us even on weekends & overnights.

Rina's two girls are Faye's two older Filipina "sisters" and they play and fight and love like sisters. They hug and kiss and hit each other like they are all related. I love it. We all think it's hilarious.

Right now Rina has a friend living at her house who has a daughter, plus 2 other girls whose parents are on vacation, plus my baby, plus being 7 months pregnant and her own 2 kids! This picture is them all heading out the door to the park or storytime. She piles them all in her Suburban (which she just got THIS YEAR- she'd never had a car or had to drive before!!) and just gets all over town. 

(We always tease Faye bc "one of these things is not like the other"- she is the little white blonde kid in a sea of dark Filipinas!)

She is INCREDIBLE and I love her. It's impossible to NOT love someone as amazing and wonderful as she. So thankful for wonderful people in my life!!

Questions

I have a two thoughts today:

1. I'm not being snarky, I really want to know what my liberal friends think about the"you didn't build that" quote from President Obama. I really would like to hear a non aggressive, non attacking, non judgmental, HONEST response. I've listened to the WHOLE SPEECH, so i'm not just going off what people are saying on Facebook. (If you haven't listened to the whole thing, please don't tell me what you think bc it is not an informed response, just an opinion.) 
I understand that it takes a community to build a business, and I completely agree that banks, private lending firms and people, teachers/friends/family, all help in the process. BUT I really am disappointed in the choice of language our president used. I really feel as a man who has never built a business, that his speech's wording belittled the work, effort and ingenuity of the individual, especially those who have the drive, courage and dedication to start and own their own business. I feel the intent was foolish and ignorant (and a terrible thing to believe), not to mention really bad politics and press.. I mean, don't people get paid to write/read these speeches ahead of time? (and plus, we all have to agree, the backlash has been hilarious!) your thoughts?

2. Maxi dresses are awesome in theory. They are comfy, leisurely, fashionable and bright, fun colors and patterns.... but they do not let air to your legs when it is 80 degrees out. Problematic.

an editorial on protecting our homes

warning: ranting ahead. also probably graphic or TMI. im sure i will offend half of you but i don't care.

the world is a crappy, scary, angering, EVIL place. why people would PURPOSEFULLY bring crap into their homes & marriages is BEYOND ME. it makes me angry & upset.

you know what i see around me? women who are more concerned with nails, how perfect their kids' hair and fashionable their clothes are. they sit around crying bc their life is SOOO HARD.

YES, DUH. LIFE IS HARD. was this a new revelation after you had children or got married?? i mean, you NEVER looked around and thought "this is not going to be a piece of cake." ??? did you REALLY think that to keep up your ridiculous lifestyle that your husband wouldn't have to WORK MORE? oh no, you are going to be one of 1 in a million who's husband works 4 hours a day and make bukoo bucks, right?
riiiiiight.

AND THEN to top it off, you cry about your testimony and your life and your relationship with your husband. you tell everyone details of your sex life. and then in the same sentence spouting off about how great Jesus is,  you also mention how great 50 shades of grey is.

you know what i think of you?

i think you don't know enough people whose homes and lives have been COMPLETELY RUINED by porn. i think you are an ignorant idiot. i can't believe that you think that bringing crap like that into your home is PREFERABLE.

i know TOO MANY people whose lives, homes, childhoods have been DAMAGED, most beyond repair, by people who thought it was "okay" to bring porn and ANY LEVEL of porn into their homes. it's damaging. it's sad. it's terrible. and it's what SATAN WANTS FOR YOU.

it's no big deal, my husband has a dallas cowboys cheerleader calendar. it's funny.
romance novels don't hurt anyone, they're just exciting.
sex in tv, movies, commercials isn't bad, it's just life, we all know about it.
the morals of that show are soo bad, but it's so funny.
my kid doesn't like kid movies, so they watch PG13/ R movies with us.
dirty jokes are the funniest.
if it's between me & my husband it's ok.

well let me tell you, I DISAGREE.
i'm currently watching at least 1 marriage fall apart RIGHT NOW bc someone thought it wasn't a big deal. she only got a boob job bc he wanted it. bc suddenly SHE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. and it only kept becoming more & more "not good enough."

i think the moment you allow and ENCOURAGE that crap in your home you have KISSED YOUR LIFE GOODBYE. and satan is doing a jig. you are endangering the spirit of your home, the futures of your precious innocent children. you are showing them what you REALLY think is most important.

that's what makes me the most sad & angry- your poor sweet children. in 10 years they will have divorced parents and think that only the most fashionable car & perfect body make them worth anything. and don't say i'm being too harsh or exaggerating- i'm not- this is REALITY. like i said, if you think i'm being too harsh- you don't know enough people who this has happened to.

i am just so irritated with people today. i feel sorry that they beds they are making today they will have to lie in later. it's going to be terrible to watch. and sad.

life is hard. it's full of disappointment, grief and hardships- WHY would you create more? how can buying into satan's CRAP make anything in life seem better? accuse me of being prude, close-minded, overprotective, but i don't let my husband stay up on the internet after i've gone to bed and i don't let faye watch TV unless its baby shows. i would rather be all those things than expose the people i love the most to temptations, content and challenges that are AVOIDABLE.

i'm glad i love my family enough to protect them vehemently. to tell satan to BACK OFF. to risk the disapproval of the world, and friends and do WHATEVER I CAN to protect my home and keep it as a safe place. to treat my relationship with my husband as sacred and NOT PUBLIC INFO. holy crap, people, keep it to yourself.

i've just been feeling so strongly about this lately, i figured i better say something. to write it down. to remember that people who are AGAINST the world also have a voice. that no matter the pressure to keep quiet, i shouldn't. i should share opinions that are different from the world. that's what wins the war against satan- those who are willing to step up and say- THIS IS NOT OKAY. so think what you will, but i'm speaking up.

Subway

turkey on wheat
extra lettuce, tomatoes
banana peppers, pickles
hot mustard
pepperjack cheese

heart burn? perhaps.
regrets? none.
delicious and relatively inexpensive? indubitably.

Cousins

This weekend Faye got to meet her Barttels cousins for the first time! Josh and Judy (and Jessica, Michael and Nathan) live in Virginia, so this is their first chance to see her! (Last time we saw them I was sick and pregnant!)
They have been so cute with her...seriously, I love it! Jessica is 14 tomorrow so she is a little mother, and I can't even believe how much Faye LOVES THE BOYS. They let her play leggos with them, follow them around, play outside, they fight over who gets to sit next to her in the car, and they have been taking turns pulling her in the wagon. If all the kids are outside, she just sits in the wagon until someone notices and pulls her around-it's adorable!!  All three have been so attentive and she just loves them back-it's like she knows by instinct they are her own. I need to take more pictures of them together-the only grandkids on this side so far.

New furniture

when I started working from home I bought a new filing cabinet. the box of said cabinet instantly became a hit, and a new permanent piece of furniture in my living room! sometimes I am tempted to get rid of it, but then today with a little bum sticking out of the entrance, I know I'm never going to. It's her little hideaway and it's hilarious, however unsightly.

Leukemia

I never thought that would be the title of a blogpost.

Yesterday my 4 year old niece, Rachel, was diagnosed with leukemia.

Monday they took her to doctor at 9 AM. By 4 PM she was diagnosed and admitted to hospital with her first blood transfusion. Today she had surgery and a permanent port was put in her chest 10:30 AM and her first rounds of chemo started as well as a spinal tap.

She's FOUR. 4. four.

I've cried off and on. But mostly it all just feels numb. I'm in helper OVERdrive. Driving, cleaning, cuddling, holding, feeding. I cancelled my plan ticket. I'm staying a few extra days. In order to not feel helpless I am doing all I possibly can. And I would be SO HAPPY to be doing 100% more.

What really got me tonight was the iodine on her little back all around the bandaid where the spinal tap was. And the tiny baby in the room next door crying. A little boy, younger than Faye, sitting in a highchair in the doorway so he can watch the nurse's station and the people going by. I almost had a breakdown right then and there.

I will write more thoughts as they come, but I just called Brad tonight and told him over and over how much I love him, and how much I love our baby. How our Heavenly Father DIRECTED me to come this week instead of next week. I felt I should REALLY go to Vegas and stay for a week (which I NEVER do, but bc I work from home it was a possibility) and that it should be this week, not NEXT even tho Brad would be able to stay longer bc of the holiday.

I am so so so blessed to be here. To help. To cry. To be in the house so my dear mother is not here alone.

I am sad, but hopeful. Numb, but confident. A.L.L. is treatable, curable, very high success and even more so in girls. I'm scared, but feeling overwhelming love and support from my Father in Heaven. I feel like our family has been truly blessed with the ability to be calm and to face it all head-on.

Mothers, go kiss those babies of yours. I hope they are all healthy. I had to resist the temptation to just squeeze the life out of Faye today. But somehow... she knew. She went around hugging everyone's leg today unprovoked. Such a sweetheart.

Things are hard, but they can be overcome. Still in shock, but the ball is already rolling- roll with it and trust the Lord is directing.

I'm going to go kiss Faye before I try to sleep.

working from home- early thoughts

1. faye plays by herself SO WELL. she literally will run round playing with blocks, toys and sit in a corner "hiding" for about an hour everyday. i hear her in her room banging blocks together and talking and singing to herself.
2. she is a napping champion most of the time. her morning nap is CLOCKWORK. 60 -75 minutes everyday. no fail. no fuss.  i give my sitter, Rina, all the credit for this, since she has been putting her down for her morning nap... basically her whole life.
3. afternoon nap- usually 2 hours 2PM-4PM. if we somehow miss this window (like daddy is home and is trying to give me a "break" she will fuss and cry and get him to say uncle. then she is a monster bc she has taken no nap- happy mother's day!)
4. brad's schedule is early shift- he works with people on East Coast, so he is usually home by 4:30-5 at latest.

the combination of these things allows me to get in my hours of work. so far, halfway through day 3, we are on roll. i know it CAN'T be this easy all the time, but really I'm soo lucky. i love being home with Faye, i like taking her on errands, and playing together, eating lunch and going on walks. it's nice to feel like i'm her mom completely.
the first day she is a hellion and i can't work at all, i'll let you know ;)

Work at Home Mama!

I start working from home tomorrow. This has been in the works for many weeks now, and it FINALLY is happening. I am excited to be able to see Faye more, to save money, and to not have to be in the office everyday! I'm not sure which of those three things I am most excited about... it's probably best to say I'm most excited about Faye, so all that judging about my mothering can cease, but it's probably the not going in the office.

I am excited to figure out how to make our whole lives change. All the habits, schedules are going to be turned upside down. We are pretty awesome at our schedule at this point. It's going to be a rocky transition, but I anticipate the change with gladness! I have the hope to turn our home from a well-oiled machine... into a better, different well-oiled machine!

Any tips from work-at-home mamas? Things I should think about that I haven't already? (Yes, I've thought of how NOT fun it's going to be somedays to try and work with Faye needing attention.)

Here's to TOMORROW!

random thought

names are funny.

you don't want to be named after someone who is a loser. or a terrible person. you just don't go around naming kids adolf anymore. but really at the end of the day, it's your parents' decision & you are stuck.

but what about people named after YOU? what if you have a namesake who turns out to be a complete idiot? what do you say then?? they are going around telling everyone they are named after YOU and their weird/ridiculous behavior somehow gets pinned back to you. like you had anything to do with it. that's the worst.

just a thought.

im not named after anyone, nor is anyone named after me. but if there was, you bet i would be kicking them in the pants if they were taking my name down with 'em. :)