Leukemia

I never thought that would be the title of a blogpost.

Yesterday my 4 year old niece, Rachel, was diagnosed with leukemia.

Monday they took her to doctor at 9 AM. By 4 PM she was diagnosed and admitted to hospital with her first blood transfusion. Today she had surgery and a permanent port was put in her chest 10:30 AM and her first rounds of chemo started as well as a spinal tap.

She's FOUR. 4. four.

I've cried off and on. But mostly it all just feels numb. I'm in helper OVERdrive. Driving, cleaning, cuddling, holding, feeding. I cancelled my plan ticket. I'm staying a few extra days. In order to not feel helpless I am doing all I possibly can. And I would be SO HAPPY to be doing 100% more.

What really got me tonight was the iodine on her little back all around the bandaid where the spinal tap was. And the tiny baby in the room next door crying. A little boy, younger than Faye, sitting in a highchair in the doorway so he can watch the nurse's station and the people going by. I almost had a breakdown right then and there.

I will write more thoughts as they come, but I just called Brad tonight and told him over and over how much I love him, and how much I love our baby. How our Heavenly Father DIRECTED me to come this week instead of next week. I felt I should REALLY go to Vegas and stay for a week (which I NEVER do, but bc I work from home it was a possibility) and that it should be this week, not NEXT even tho Brad would be able to stay longer bc of the holiday.

I am so so so blessed to be here. To help. To cry. To be in the house so my dear mother is not here alone.

I am sad, but hopeful. Numb, but confident. A.L.L. is treatable, curable, very high success and even more so in girls. I'm scared, but feeling overwhelming love and support from my Father in Heaven. I feel like our family has been truly blessed with the ability to be calm and to face it all head-on.

Mothers, go kiss those babies of yours. I hope they are all healthy. I had to resist the temptation to just squeeze the life out of Faye today. But somehow... she knew. She went around hugging everyone's leg today unprovoked. Such a sweetheart.

Things are hard, but they can be overcome. Still in shock, but the ball is already rolling- roll with it and trust the Lord is directing.

I'm going to go kiss Faye before I try to sleep.