Wednesday, May 30, 2012

New furniture

when I started working from home I bought a new filing cabinet. the box of said cabinet instantly became a hit, and a new permanent piece of furniture in my living room! sometimes I am tempted to get rid of it, but then today with a little bum sticking out of the entrance, I know I'm never going to. It's her little hideaway and it's hilarious, however unsightly.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


I never thought that would be the title of a blogpost.

Yesterday my 4 year old niece, Rachel, was diagnosed with leukemia.

Monday they took her to doctor at 9 AM. By 4 PM she was diagnosed and admitted to hospital with her first blood transfusion. Today she had surgery and a permanent port was put in her chest 10:30 AM and her first rounds of chemo started as well as a spinal tap.

She's FOUR. 4. four.

I've cried off and on. But mostly it all just feels numb. I'm in helper OVERdrive. Driving, cleaning, cuddling, holding, feeding. I cancelled my plan ticket. I'm staying a few extra days. In order to not feel helpless I am doing all I possibly can. And I would be SO HAPPY to be doing 100% more.

What really got me tonight was the iodine on her little back all around the bandaid where the spinal tap was. And the tiny baby in the room next door crying. A little boy, younger than Faye, sitting in a highchair in the doorway so he can watch the nurse's station and the people going by. I almost had a breakdown right then and there.

I will write more thoughts as they come, but I just called Brad tonight and told him over and over how much I love him, and how much I love our baby. How our Heavenly Father DIRECTED me to come this week instead of next week. I felt I should REALLY go to Vegas and stay for a week (which I NEVER do, but bc I work from home it was a possibility) and that it should be this week, not NEXT even tho Brad would be able to stay longer bc of the holiday.

I am so so so blessed to be here. To help. To cry. To be in the house so my dear mother is not here alone.

I am sad, but hopeful. Numb, but confident. A.L.L. is treatable, curable, very high success and even more so in girls. I'm scared, but feeling overwhelming love and support from my Father in Heaven. I feel like our family has been truly blessed with the ability to be calm and to face it all head-on.

Mothers, go kiss those babies of yours. I hope they are all healthy. I had to resist the temptation to just squeeze the life out of Faye today. But somehow... she knew. She went around hugging everyone's leg today unprovoked. Such a sweetheart.

Things are hard, but they can be overcome. Still in shock, but the ball is already rolling- roll with it and trust the Lord is directing.

I'm going to go kiss Faye before I try to sleep.

Monday, May 14, 2012

working from home- early thoughts

1. faye plays by herself SO WELL. she literally will run round playing with blocks, toys and sit in a corner "hiding" for about an hour everyday. i hear her in her room banging blocks together and talking and singing to herself.
2. she is a napping champion most of the time. her morning nap is CLOCKWORK. 60 -75 minutes everyday. no fail. no fuss.  i give my sitter, Rina, all the credit for this, since she has been putting her down for her morning nap... basically her whole life.
3. afternoon nap- usually 2 hours 2PM-4PM. if we somehow miss this window (like daddy is home and is trying to give me a "break" she will fuss and cry and get him to say uncle. then she is a monster bc she has taken no nap- happy mother's day!)
4. brad's schedule is early shift- he works with people on East Coast, so he is usually home by 4:30-5 at latest.

the combination of these things allows me to get in my hours of work. so far, halfway through day 3, we are on roll. i know it CAN'T be this easy all the time, but really I'm soo lucky. i love being home with Faye, i like taking her on errands, and playing together, eating lunch and going on walks. it's nice to feel like i'm her mom completely.
the first day she is a hellion and i can't work at all, i'll let you know ;)

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Work at Home Mama!

I start working from home tomorrow. This has been in the works for many weeks now, and it FINALLY is happening. I am excited to be able to see Faye more, to save money, and to not have to be in the office everyday! I'm not sure which of those three things I am most excited about... it's probably best to say I'm most excited about Faye, so all that judging about my mothering can cease, but it's probably the not going in the office.

I am excited to figure out how to make our whole lives change. All the habits, schedules are going to be turned upside down. We are pretty awesome at our schedule at this point. It's going to be a rocky transition, but I anticipate the change with gladness! I have the hope to turn our home from a well-oiled machine... into a better, different well-oiled machine!

Any tips from work-at-home mamas? Things I should think about that I haven't already? (Yes, I've thought of how NOT fun it's going to be somedays to try and work with Faye needing attention.)

Here's to TOMORROW!

Friday, May 4, 2012

random thought

names are funny.

you don't want to be named after someone who is a loser. or a terrible person. you just don't go around naming kids adolf anymore. but really at the end of the day, it's your parents' decision & you are stuck.

but what about people named after YOU? what if you have a namesake who turns out to be a complete idiot? what do you say then?? they are going around telling everyone they are named after YOU and their weird/ridiculous behavior somehow gets pinned back to you. like you had anything to do with it. that's the worst.

just a thought.

im not named after anyone, nor is anyone named after me. but if there was, you bet i would be kicking them in the pants if they were taking my name down with 'em. :)