It has come as quite a surprise me, but it may be that Jimmy Barttels is the glue keeping me together at the moment.
For the first portion of his short life, he caused me more tears, pain, and lost sleep. Shattered any confidence I had as a mother, wife, caretaker. I lost all patience, any joy in motherhood. I learned to yell. I never yelled at Faye. There was no need. All Jimmy did was yell at me. Loudly. Work suffered. Marriage suffered. Faye suffered. He was, quite frankly, a little pooper. Sometimes I wished he had never come to our home, bc it seemed he only brought suffering and crying where 'ere he went.
The last couple months for me have been rough. Physical and emotional rollercoaster. And you know what is keeping me all together? The person who is keeping me the most grounded and keeps clearing the rubble from the end of the tunnel so the light can keep shining, even ever so little? Fatty McFatty Early Walker Happy Jimmy Barttels Guy.
He is so happy nowadays. And giggly. And learning new things. And just about the tubbiest, chubbiest, most kissable thing on the block! He brings light and joy into my life that I have needed. When Faye is having a hard day being two, this guy is a rolly-poly ray of sunshine. I feel like he and I are finally on the same wavelength. That there is some kind of relationship there. That we understand each other. Especially in the last week, on the worst days, when the worst things have happened (or not happened) in every other part of my life, this boy starts walking. He gives kisses. He takes ridiculously cute pictures that I just want to look at for hours. He brings pure joy to me when I need it most.
So, Jimmy, when your reputation in our family as being the most horrid, loudest, screamiest, shriekiest baby follows you around to adulthood, remember: You saved your mom and carried her through the darkest, hardest days. That even tho I fear there will be much grief to your mother at your hand, you will also bring her much joy and strength in trials. The prophetic words of your father in your baby blessing will ring true.
""Bless you that you will love your mother throughout your life. That you will see the strength in her and you will a strength unto her also."
Love you, Baby.